


Why does it rain?

by Dangantrash



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Choir, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Angst, Bullying, Fluff, M/M, They're in their last year of high school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-08-23 12:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8327314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangantrash/pseuds/Dangantrash
Summary: Komaeda hates his life. It always the same stuff, over and over again. Well, that's until he stumbles upon a certain brown haired boy attempting to climb over a fence during his walk to school. "H-Hey, do you need some help?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I randomly had inspiration and busted out this chapter. I'm not sure how long this fic will be but I'll definitely be updating it every one or two weeks. If possible once a week, but my schedule is rather hectic. Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this and I'd love to know what you think! :)

Why does it rain? Yes I know, water cycle, evaporation, I know all of that stuff. But, why _does_ it rain? What’s the point of it? What exactly is the purpose of living? Why does the earth keep spinning?

Why do _I_ exist?

I asked myself this question every day. Why do we humans strive to achieve all of our goals and be remembered for them? Eventually all of those who remember you will die anyways. None of these aspirations will matter once our eyelids are forever sealed shut.

Religious people may believe that there is in fact a god, but is said god their reason for living? Or do they believe in god because of the petrifying concept of your heart no longer pumping blood. Every week on Sunday, my parents and I used to go to the early morning church services. However, when we were there, I could see it in my parent’s eyes that they truly did not believe. It was all just facade of them attempting to trick themselves into believing in a god so that life after death wouldn’t seem as terrifying.

For the longest time- ever since I was just a small child –I lived my life doing what I was told and what was required of me for the day. It was just easier that way. But, why did I do that? I could have gone off and done my own thing and tried to change the world, but I never saw a reason to do so.

Before I left for school, everyday I would stop to gaze at myself in the mirror and let my thoughts run. My parents have long since passed away, they died on the way back from our family vacation in an air plane. Surprisingly, the airplane isn't what killed them. A meteor hit them directly in front of me and I was the only survivor after the plane crashed. I had no one to comfort me. No one who could hold me when I was frightened. No one to soothingly run their fingers through my hair and tell me that everything would be okay. Although, I don’t recall my parents doing much of that in the first place.

Every day at school I would put up a front. Always smiling, and always on top of my school work. If I let myself break for just a second everyone would see the real disgusting version of me. But sometimes I wondered, what is the real version of me? I tried to believe that the true version was the one who always smiled, but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I knew it wasn’t true. My boring boring boring life. When would something new come and change everything? It was all the same color, the same pattern, the same day repeated over and over.

Well, that’s what I thought until on my walk to school I saw a brown haired boy, who looked about my age, attempting to climb over a fence. I blinked a couple of times trying to see if I was just being delusional. The fence was so tall and on the other side there was a rather large trench with a small stream running through it. It was man made of course.

_Just keep walking, pretend you didn’t see him._

But I had a strong feeling of unease at the thought of the boy injuring himself. So with a lot of reluctance, I turned around and called out to the brunette. “Hey…. Do you need some help?”

He looked down in surprise and almost lost his grip with the shock of hearing me yell. “Y-Yes I am, I just need to get my papers that blew over the fence.” Right as he finished saying that his hand slipped and he almost fell of onto the hard concrete. In response, I jolted forward unconsciously to try and catch him. Although I’m quite tall, I’m kind of lanky so I wouldn’t be surprised if he crushed me if he had fallen.

We both sat in silence for a few moments and I tried to calm my breathing from the adrenaline rush. I looked down the fence and my eyes widened in amusement when I saw a gate just a little ways away. I looked back at him with a chuckle and told him of it, “You do know that there’s a gate just to the left, right?”

He looked down at me and then to his left, and after his eyes fell on the gate his cheeks began to tint with scarlet.

“O-Oh is there…I hadn’t noticed…” He trailed off with an uncomfortable tone.

I laughed and went underneath him and held out my arms, “here, I’ll help you get down if you need it.” He muttered a thank you and started to climb down.

I instantly regretted offering to help him down when I realized, I would have to touch him.

_What was I thinking!?_

My mind raced trying to find a solution on where to grab him, but when the time came I quickly grabbed the sides of his stomach and guided him down. Right when I could, I quickly ripped my hands away from his body. He began to dust himself off when I let out a frantic apology, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have touched you like that, please forgive me!”

The brunette looked at me with one eyebrow raised and confusion on his face. “Why exactly are you apologizing? Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t of helped me, so thank you.” He concluded with a bright smile on his face.

I felt as though my whole face caught fire at the attention I received. How long had it been since I heard those words? It felt nice, too nice.

I soon noticed how delayed my response was as the boy had started walking to retrieve his papers.

I lightly jogged to catch up with him and he glanced over at me. “Oh yeah, I haven’t even introduced myself, the names Hajime Hinata.”

_Hinata huh? It suits him well._

I smiled, “My names Nagito Komaeda.” We finished getting his papers and started walking in the same direction. We both seemed to forget that we had somewhere to go as we hadn’t even questioned the fact that we were walking the same way. Hinata’s face suddenly lit up, “By the way, what school do you go to?” He asked with excitement and a look of anticipation on his face.

“Hope’s Peak Academy." I answered. "where do you go?”

“Ah! I go there to, actually it’s my first day. So those papers that blew were actually my schedule.” He said with a nervous, but relieved laugh.

I smiled, and for reasons that were unknown to me at the time, it was a genuine one.

“Awesome, I can show you how to get to your classes then if you’d like.”

“That would be incredibly helpful, thanks.” And so we walked to class with occasional chatter about the school and any questions he had regarding it.

I was smiling so much, I had no idea why, but Hinata had made me feel so joyful and peaceful. 

But these thoughts were dangerous, I couldn't let myself get close to him.

I kept a calm demeanor, but my insides were swirling around and my head felt like I had just gone on a merry go round that broke and spun way faster than possible.

 _Don’t get attached to him, nothing good will come from it_. I thought with such unease that I felt as though I could vomit. My mind flashed back to that moment, that moment of utter betrayal. 

_I cannot let that happen again._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I ended up finishing this chapter early than expected, so I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Some info you may need if you aren’t aware of what they mean:  
> Soprano: the highest of the singing voices.  
> Tenor: the highest of the male singing part.  
> I’m not sure if the other parts will be relevant, but I’ll say them anyways,  
> Alto: a little above tenor and below soprano, usually female.  
> Base: the lowest vocal range

“Oh, It looks like we have science and choir together.” I said while walking with Hinata through the hallways to his first period class.

He grabbed my schedule from my hands and compared it to his own before beaming. “Awesome! And I didn’t know you sang, have you always been in choir?”

I nodded my head back and forth with my usual smile resting on my lips. “No, I’m not comfortable enough for that.”

He paused with confusion at what I meant and I giggled before explaining, “I play the piano for the class, I do it for three of the choir groups.” 

Hinata’s eyes lit up and he gaped at me in astonishment as if I said something extraordinary. It obviously wasn’t, many people can play an instrument, let alone a piano. My parents had signed me up for lessons when I was little, after they died I stopped doing it until my Aunt signed me up for them again. Apparently, my parents had put it in their will for me to continue my lessons. It was a family tradition for people to know how to play at least one instrument.

“That’s amazing! I’ve tried to learn how to play instruments so many times, but I’ve never gotten the hang of it.” He said with a sense of disappointment. I quickly tried to lighten the mood by giving him a compliment, “Well, you’re good at singing! Our choir can be rather difficult to get in to.” He smiled at me in thanks before turning back toward what was in front of us.

He seemed to not believe what I said, which was odd, I could feel how talented and phenomenal he was when I first laid my eyes on him. I lightly giggled at the image of him struggling to get over the fence.

After a few moments of silence, I looked to my left and saw people glaring at me. The usual disgusted look flaming in their eyes, it had been so many years and they still had yet to forgive me.

_I don’t blame them though, I’m not one who deserves forgiveness._

I glanced back at Hinata and it seemed he noticed it as well. His eyes were full of confusion and concern and right as he glanced at me I snapped my eyes away from his.

Neither of us spoke of it and we walked in silence until we reached his classroom.

“I think I have to go now so I’m not late to class.” Hinata nodded as we stood by the classroom door occasionally moving out of the way for the people entering.

“Good luck, Bye bye.” I said with the small wave of my hand.

“Bye Komaeda.”

I turned around, despite how much I didn’t want to, and made my way to my classroom. My first period class had always been my least favorite. The people inside were so dull and didn’t seem to have any spark left inside of them. I loathed people like that, which if why I despised myself.

 _They’re all so tedious, unlike Hinata._ I thought with a light feeling in my chest.

I shook my head in an attempt to remove such thoughts from my mind before entering my classroom.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Class had gone by painfully slow, as usual, and I was completely exasperated by the end of it. However, I was feeling quite excited at the prospect of seeing Hinata again.

 _But what if I mess up in front of him? What if I disappoint him?_ Dread filled my body as I imagined the look of sheer disgust etched onto his features. My previous excitement was replaced with a feeling of panic and fear.

Unconsciously, my quick pace was reduced down to a sluggish walk.

I took a deep breath before opening the large sound proof door. My eyes immediately landed on Hinata who was sitting towards the middle of risers, the tenor section.

_I had a feeling he was tenor._

Hinata’s eyes lit up when he saw me, he hopped off of the riser and made his way over to me. I smiled at him and walked over to the piano bench to place down my stuff.

“Hey, I’m so excited to hear you play!” He said with joy.

I gave him a strained smile, “I’m glad you’re looking forward to it, but I’m really not too good at it.” He rolled his eyes, “Of course you are, you wouldn’t be playing for the class otherwise.”

I gave a false smile and took out my music that I was playing for the day. Hinata peered over my shoulder and gasped when he saw the Latin song “Cantate Domino” by Claudio Monteverdi. “I love that song! I sang it at my previous school, it was my favorite.” I lightly jolted at the unexpected contact to my shoulder from his chin and quickly turned around. He didn’t seem to notice me panic as he continued to smile at the music sheet.

I looked at his eyes and got lost in how they sparkled when he was excited. He was so full of light and joy that it sometimes made me envious. Yet, it almost made me hopeful at the time that maybe someday, I could be like that too.

I quickly dismissed my thoughts and cleared my throat to respond, “Yeah, it’s very pretty, it’s especially fun to play on piano.” Hinata looked over at me and was about to say something when the choir director clapped her hands, ordering everyone to their seats. He flashed me a smile and walked over to his seat. I let out a puff of air I was unknowingly holding and plopped down on the bench.

My mind tuned out what the teacher was saying to the class and I stared at my hands resting on my thighs.

 _I can’t mess up, I can’t mess up, I can’t mess up-_ I repeated with such panic that my head began to spin.

I stopped overthinking things when I could feel someone staring at me, and what was supposed to be “someone” ended up being the entire class along with the teacher. The students were standing and the teacher’s arms were in the air like they were ready to begin singing.

“W-What?” I stuttered out with my eyes wide and my body frozen as if I were a deer in headlights.

The whole class laughed at my foolishness and I managed to bring myself to laugh along with them. I clenched both of my fists and grit my teeth, trying to calm down my shaking. My eyes soon landed on Hinata who was looking at me with concern, he was the only one not laughing or smiling to the person next to them. My facade dropped and was instead replaced with surprise at his concern, my shaking had stopped.

It felt good to have someone worried, but I stopped my thoughts before I let it get too far and looked towards the teacher who was repeating what I was supposed to do.

“We are beginning vocal warm ups, Komaeda.” She said in her usual overly soft voice.

I nodded and adjusted my position to start the warm ups, my worrisome thoughts dispersed right as my hands touched the piano keys. I felt the music flow from my fingertips, through my veins, and into my mind. No matter how simple the tune I played was, it never failed to soothe me.

When I was younger, I used to feel my mother’s presence while I played it after her death, but I’ve long since forgotten that feeling. My parents felt like nothing more than an echo in my mind, I can hardly even recall what they look like these days.

I looked up and saw Hinata smiling at me while he sang. He looked like he was glowing, everyone else around him was dull, so very dull compared to the brunette. Right as I smiled back the vocal warm ups ended and the teacher instructed me to play the soprano key for Cantate Domino. Our eyes drifted apart from each other and we went back to focusing on our parts. I was so sure I would mess up, but Hinata’s presence had such a calming effect on me. I felt like he was a lighthouse and I was a boat who saw him in the midst of a storm. He was enthralling.

These thoughts scared me. I had never, once in my life, had such feeling towards someone. Not even my own parents made me feel this way. These new feelings were so foreign to me and I had absolutely no clue what they could mean.

All I knew was that they felt good, and that frustrated me.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You were so good!” I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to respond but was cut off by his excitement.

“How could you even say that you aren’t good at it? I really enjoyed hearing you.” He said with a soft tone as if trying to reassure me, almost like he knew how frightened I had been.

“T-Thank you, but I’m really nothing special, I’m very average and bland.” I said in disagreement, not only talking about the piano, but also my entire being.

Hinata scoffed and rolled his eyes, “You were great and that’s final.” I gave an irritated sigh, but it actually made me rather happy to hear those words.

We walked in silence until Hinata spoke with a slightly nervous voice. “So, who do you sit with at lunch?” By the tone of his voice, he must have found out that no one liked me. Who did he speak with? Who did he ask to obtain this information? Or could he just tell by the way everyone gave me uncomfortable glances and whispered to their friends.

I kept looking at the ground and chuckled, “I don’t have any friends, no one wants to be associated with someone like me.”

_He’ll hate me, he’ll realize how disgusting I am and he will hate me._

“That’s pretty weird, cause I think you’re really cool.”

My eyes snapped away from the ground and locked with his soft and caring ones. I didn’t know what to say. He shouldn’t be around me, he really shouldn’t, everyone will end up hating him too. I tried to respond, but no noise would come out, instead I looked back towards the comforting ground. The word sorry repeating in my head, like an old record that glitched and repeated over and over, time and time again.

_I don’t deserve him, I need to push him away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh ohhh, lil Ko is getting some feelings. Btw I know this happened a little while ago but that pic with Komaeda handing Hinata those heart shaped cookies still has me screaming lol.
> 
> Anyways, I'd love to know what you think of this chapter :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the chapter! :)

The rest of the school day went by swiftly, yet slowly, as I was being fed with the same unnecessary knowledge, as I was daily. I often wondered how that worked, why is it so necessary to obtain the information about such irrelevant topics? Everyone is so seemingly conditioned to acquire such knowledge despite the extraordinarily irrelevant, yet in this world, such relevant facts.

As I laid down on my bed, gazing up at the dark ceiling, I would occasionally glance at my two stuffed animals that lay askew across my floor, both of them dogs of different colors. A small voice in my head nagged at me to get up and retrieve them, yet I did not have the will power to drag my body out of bed and complete the task. Instead, I turned on my side and wrapped an arm around my stomach, trying to replicate the feeling of hugging something, anything.

I ended up grabbing the stuffed animals.

 

 

 

The obnoxiously loud crows and finches caused my eyes to crack open, pulling me out of my heavy slumber. I unwove my arms from my sleeping companions and rubbed my eyes to reduce the fogginess. My alarm was about to go off in a few minutes, so I turned it off and hopped out of bed. I cringed as my bare feet made contact with the cold floor and made my way over to the bathroom to get ready.

It took me about twenty minutes to prepare for school. I was wearing a simple black hoodie, basic blue jeans, back vans, and grey beanie. Before I left the house I grabbed an orange, but paused as I heard a fast, repetitive noise pounding on the back door. I frowned and moved the curtain to see heavy rain pouring out of the dead, grey sky. I growled and went over to grab my umbrella thinking of how I might as well keep it with me all the time. It rained so much in that city.

I never liked rain, it made my hair look like a mop when soaked and overall gave me a feeling of extreme discomfort. I wish I enjoyed it, I used to love the cheesy romance movie or novels when the two people sit and watch the rain together. It rather tragic that I didn’t like it.

I reluctantly made my way out of my house and cautiously stepped over the puddle that formed on my door step. When the cold air blew like a breath against my fingers, they recoiled and I placed them underneath my arms. 

_Maybe I should have brought some gloves._

As I walked, I paused when I saw Hinata leaning against the very fence I met him at. His head was tilted up at the sky, eyes half lidded and seeming to be at complete peace. The water streamed down his face and soaked his clothing, yet he seemed to have no concern over his clothes. I became worried when I noticed he had no umbrella, not even a hoodie over his head!

“Hinata!” I called out and increased my pace. Seeming to completely forget of my previous plans to "push him away". Ah, what a little naive one I truly was.

“What are you doing out here with no protection from the rain!” I said with slight agitation, my voice cutting through the rain like a hot knife through butter.

He looked away from the sky and towards me with surprise at my sudden shout.

“Oh Komaeda, how are you this morning?” He said, as if he were completely oblivious to what I was upset with.

“How am I? I should be asking you that, you’re going to get sick standing like that.”

He looked at me with such innocence before speaking with a charming laugh lacing his voice, “Oh that, I really enjoy the rain, it soothes me.” I looked at him in incredulity before holding my umbrella over him. Exposing myself to the rain I detested so much.

“You’re going to get sick if you keep that up.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten sick from it before, and I really like being in the rain. So you can use it, I’ll just walk along side you.”

I was going to protest, but as I looked into his eyes, I could tell there was no persuading him out of his decision.

We walked together. I was under the umbrella, while he walked completely exposed to the non-stop onslaught of harsh rain. But, despite how unpleasant it looked, he seemed happy to be underneath it. I couldn't find the voice to ask him to walk under my umbrella with me. I kept giving him occasional anxious side-glances with hopes that he’d get out of the rain. I wonder why I hated the rain so much. Perhaps I died in the rain in my past life. Well if I had a past life, but I enjoy believing that I did.

“Okay, I’ll come under the umbrella if it makes you less nervous,” Hinata suddenly said, breaking me out of my meaningless thoughts.

I looked at him in surprise, not expecting him to pay attention to me enough to notice my unease. I was going to protest, but he already walked underneath. Our shoulders brushed against each other within the close proximity. My face heated up, but he seemed to not notice or pay attention to the contact that had been burning my arm with each touch.

I felt guilty as I was what caused him to stop enjoying the rain, but the feeling of relief that filled my body greatly over powered that. I didn’t know what came over me in the first place. Why was I so worried for him in the first place? And I normally wouldn’t even consider asking someone to do something for me, yet I asked Hinata to get out of the rain. With quite a bit of force actually. When it came to him, it was almost as if all of my rational thoughts flew out the window.

_Perhaps that is why I’m so drawn to him._

We made it to school and the front yard was completely vacant of students, they had all crammed into the main building. Al of them bunched together like that made them look like a group of penguins squeezing together for warmth.

“I don’t understand why everyone hates the rain so much, it’s just water.” Hinata said while we stood underneath the canopy of the school building, contemplating whether or not we should go in.

“Hm, I’m not sure.”

We ended up walking inside, but we went further into the school to escape the massive group of people. Nasty body heat had built up and made me want to run back out into the cold, harsh rain.

We sat up against the wall with cheap paint that in some areas was peeling off, exposing the tan wood that laid underneath. My hair was dripping wet from the occasional strong gust of wind that pulled the umbrella away from me. It would have most definitely flown out my hands if Hinata hadn’t of grabbed it at the last second.

“So, why do you hate the rain so much anyways?” Hinata inquired with the slight tilt of his head.

I grabbed a strand of my curly hair and squeezed it, causing a drop of water to fall out and smack against the floor. “No particular reason,” I said with a monotonous voice. Hinata raised his eyebrow at my odd response before glancing toward the end of the hallway at a sudden noise.

“Hey Komaeda.” A small, soft voice called out to me.

I turned my head towards the source of the noise, I immediately recognized who said that.

“Hello, Chiaki.” I said before glancing at Hinata who looked at her curiously.

She was soon standing by my side, her sluggish pace causing it to take a little longer than the average person would have to get there, but Chiaki had never been very normal in the first place. She looked up at Hinata then towards me, asking for an introduction without the words.

“Oh Hinata, this is Chiaki.” I said gesturing towards her. “Chiaki this is a new student here, Hinata.” Then I gestured over to Hinata. They both smiled, Chiaki transferred her Game Boy over to her non-dominant hand, and shook Hinata’s open one.

Chiaki was the only person, besides Hinata, who would willingly speak to me. No one else would even dare to approach such a detestable person such as myself. Yet she did, every day.

I wouldn’t admit it aloud, but I rather enjoyed her presence. But,knew that I did not deserve her kindness, nor did I deserve Hinata’s. These thought’s reminded me of the goal I had established yesterday, but I couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, this time would work out. Just maybe I could be happy, with both Hinata and Chiaki by my side. But I knew such thoughts were dangerous. I quickly rid my mind of them.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After finishing my awful first period class, I was making my way over to the choir classroom. The walk was rather long, so I had to keep a quick pace in order to make it on time.

I never failed to notice the eyes that lingered on me a bit longer than necessary. The eyes that snapped away when I looked into them. The daring eyes that squinted with anger when I noticed their stare. Eyes have always made me uneasy. They withhold so many emotions that can simultaneously present themselves, and each emotion tells a different story.

I thought of beautiful eyes and my mind instantly snapped over to Hinata’s. His eyes were a gorgeous hazel color that contrasted perfectly with his tan, lightly freckled skin. The way they lit up with every emotion, he was so expressive. I’d only known him for a little while, yet when I gazed into his eyes, I felt as though I’d known him for lifetimes. When I looked at him I felt at home.

I was abruptly brought out of my thoughts when Hinata’s eyes were directly in front of mine, our noses almost touching. He looked surprised, like he was just as confused as I was. I jumped back in shock and looked around the room.

_I was so focused on my thoughts that I walked straight into the room without even noticing._

Hinata laughed at my dramatic reaction. “You’re a little spacey there aren’t you?” He said teasingly.

“Sorry,” I said with embarrassment, “I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Hinata giggled, “yeah, I can see that.”

I walked to the piano and placed my stuff down on the bench, Hinata trailed behind me.

 _Why does he pay attention to me so much anyways? He’s charming and good looking, he must have a lot of friends by now._ I thought with a sudden feeling of coldness chilling my bones.

I sat down on the bench and opened the key-lid. I slowly brought my fingers down to lightly brush against the smooth white keys. I didn’t play it, I just enjoyed the feeling.

“Ugh, I really wish I could play piano. It’s so pretty and seems really fun to play.”

I took my hands off the keys and rested them on my lap. I didn’t know how to respond unless I simply gave him more consolation, but I had a feeling that would annoy him. Suddenly an idea sparked in my head.

“I can teach you if you’d like.” I let the realization of what I blurted out sink in.

_I am so stupid, so utterly idiotic. Piano lessons take contact, they take hours of quiet, alone time. I won’t be able to handle it!_

“For real? Like, you mean it?” Hinata beamed with such excitement that I swear I heard his voice tremble a little.

“Um,” I cleared my throat, “yes, of course.” I said with a small smile; however, internally I was absolutely dreading it. I wasn’t not looking forward to it because of Hinata himself, it was my own fears of letting him down that held me back.

_What if I disappoint him, what if I mess up and he-_

My self-depreciating thoughts were put to a halt when he gave me the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. His smile seemed as if it were sparkling and it filled my body with a feeling of such light that I was completely taken a back. There was a small dimple on his left cheek that I hadn’t noticed until then. Oh how glad I was to have discovered that small feature on his face.

My cheeks slowly heated up and before I even knew it, I was smiling back.

The rest of the people around us forgotten, my parents forgotten, those eyes forgotten, my cold empty home forgotten, my fears forgotten.

Even if it only lasted for a moment, I was in complete bliss. Who knew one human could give you such an extraordinary feeling.

_Maybe this will be fun after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chiaki wasn't there yesterday, she had stayed up too late and slept through her alarm. (This will be covered next chapter lol)  
> Anyways, I'd love to know what you thought of the chapter. I'm not a huge fan of this, however I really hope you guys enjoyed it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

A total of seven days passed. I don’t remember much of what happened throughout those days. When I tried to recall some memories, only moments with Hinata appeared within my mind.

His smile, his laugh, his voice, his everything.

I was sitting in my philosophy class. The only class that remotely peaked my interest, but even that was a rare occasion.

More so than I enjoyed learning and contemplating life’s decisions, I enjoyed watching the other students in that class. They were all so passionate about what they were learning, very hopeful seeming. Some days I felt as though I was simply being nuisance by attending, but I held onto my selfish desires to stay in that class.

“How much control does one truly have in their life?” The teacher inquired as he cleaned off his glasses.

The class stayed silent.

No one made a sound as everyone was trying to find a proper answer to say aloud. Almost like they were browsing through the file in their brain that contained their “abstract” thoughts. I thought too, but obviously I knew that there was no true answer. That’s what this class was, just more and more questions. One girl with auburn braids cautiously raised her hand to ask a question, “You mean like, um religiously?”

“Not necessarily.”

The class went silent again. I thought and thought but my mind couldn’t wrap around an acceptable answer.

_How much control does one have in their life?_

As I restated it in my mind, images flashed of a crashed and flaming plane, a bloodied dead dog, a dark and cold garbage bag with a slip of paper in my hand.

I had no control over that. I couldn’t have stopped it.

_So do we have no control? Can we only control ourselves? No, no, people can hardly ever control themselves. Can we control how people perceive us? I thought of Hinata and how he thinks of me, I can’t control that either. What he sees me as is different from how I see myself. The face I have behind closed doors is my real self, if Hinata saw the true me he would be repulsed._

Suddenly, the bell rang.

“Alright class, think about this question and we’ll discuss it next class.”

I packed up my things and began my walk to lunch, that question still rang in my mind like an echo left behind by the ones who had no control.

“Hey Komaeda” Hinata said as I sat down at the table underneath the oak tree I had sat under for years. The tree had a mixture of orange, brown and yellow leaves all coming together to look like a watercolor painting that hadn’t yet finished drying. The trunk had engravings in it, some harsh words, the cliché heart with two names on each side of it, and some other words and symbols I couldn’t quite decipher.

“Hi Hinata, hi Chiaki.” The tired girl had her head resting on the table while she played her video game. She gave me a glance with a small smile on her lips that would go unnoticed by people who’d just met her.

Hinata took out his lunch which was a poorly made peanut butter and jelly sandwich. There was far too much peanut butter and too little jelly, the complete opposite of what I preferred. I reached into my bag and pulled out my lunch which contained a pre-made sandwich from the local grocery store. Then I pulled out an apple and handed it to Chiaki. “Here take this, I don’t see you eat very often. Unless you don’t want it, which is fine.” I finished with an unexpected unease. She took it, smiled, thanked me and began too much on her treat.

We sat in silence as we ate, it wasn’t awkward, I believe the three of us just knew how to stop and enjoy the silence. The cool autumn breeze blew and pushed my hair in front of my face causing some of it to go into my mouth. I was disgusted and tried and spit it out, completely oblivious to Hinata’s staring. When I looked up at him, he let out a teasing laugh and covered his mouth with his hand so no food would come flying out.

I smiled nervously and he just laughed harder. Normally I would be rather flustered, but for some reason I enjoyed his teasing. Maybe I just enjoyed the attention; however, that’s quite a selfish thought now that I’m looking back at it.

I didn’t have much of an appetite, so I took a couple bites of my sandwich before giving up and putting it down.

We made idle chatter to pass the time. Every once in a while Chiaki would chime in and giver her slow, but always accurate, responses to our discussions. The bell eventually rang, signaling the end of lunch. We all stood up to throw out our stuff, but Hinata and I stopped when we saw Chiaki get up with tons of stuff entangled in her hair.

Both of our eyes widened and I looked down at the table and saw chipping white paint and wood. I looked back up at Chiaki who was staring at us with confusion, white paint and wood laying in her hair like old dirty snow on a busy street.

I let out a light laugh and pointed at her head, “Chiaki, um, you have some stuff in your hair.”

She paused and slowly reached for her hair before a slight emotion of panic flashed in her eyes. Hinata and I laughed and went to help her.

“Maybe we should bring a cloth for you to lay on next time Chiaki,” I teased.

She puffed her cheeks out in frustration before we all broke out into a laugh together.

Hinata and I walked to class together as they were in the same direction.

“I’m really excited for the piano lesson tomorrow. We’re meeting at your house right?” Hinata beamed with excitement.

I smiled at his joy and only that, “Yeah, I think that’s good.” I replied with disquiet. I thought of how I had to go home and clean up to make it seem like there was some kind of life in there. Make it seem like I had a guardian, rather than my Aunt who came to visit only twice every thirty or so days. It was a requirement that she stayed with me a week a month, but she’d never done that. The only places in my house I bothered to go in, besides my bedroom and the restroom of course, was the living room, family room (rather ironic names those are), and the kitchen. The other rooms lay in complete stillness, their only goal seeming to be how much dust they could collect before anyone bothered to venture towards them.

When my Aunt came to visit, it was rather awkward. She would simply walk in and spend a day or two in my house, then leave. It was almost as if she was carrying around a to-do list and I was the mark at the very bottom, the mark with the least amount of importance. I disliked her. But I’m sure the feeling was mutual.

Just before we went our separate ways, Hinata asked a question that surprised me, “Can I have your number?”

I paused to process his words. I didn’t remember my number, I hadn’t bothered to know it by heart as this didn’t happen very often. “Uh, yeah.” I replied shortly and began to take out my phone to find my number. I looked at it once and told him the numbers. He told me thanks and we went our separate ways.

As I walked, I had a light feeling in my chest, I was overjoyed that I got his number. After that I had three contacts, Chiaki, Hinata, and my Aunt (her number didn’t exactly matter, but I still liked to count it). I made it to my classroom and the rest of the day went by rather swiftly and I was soon making my way home. It was Friday so I was looking forward to no school, but on the weekends I always missed Chiaki’s presence. However, I guess I missed Hinata’s as well, it was my second weekend since meeting him.

I glanced at some shops and saw them already decorating for Christmas. The green, red and gold that gave most people a peaceful and jolly feeling.

 _How odd people are, it’s only November._ I thought, trying to ignore the jealously that pounded on my rib cage begging for me to try and be like them.

I hadn’t celebrated Christmas for quite a while, I didn’t see a point in it really.

I made it home and placed my items in their proper locations. Before I began my cleaning, I tied my hair back and retrieved the proper products. As I took a deep breathe, preparing myself for this most definitely exhausting task, I began my cleaning. I had to pick up the picture frames that were face down and store them in a bag, I had to dust all of the neglected areas. However, I refused to enter my parent’s room. I didn’t belong in there, I had no right to enter such a place.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door. I took off my dirty gloves, placed them on a table, and opened the door. What had knocked on my door was the worst possible scenario coming to life. My Aunt.

“Hey, just came to check on you.” She said, but it was the same line she said each time she came.

I stepped out of her way and gave her a half-assed sound of acknowledgement. I knew that there was no point in trying to please her. She would never, ever enjoy my presence. Just the fact that I exist is a constant reminder of her deceased sister, whose death she blamed on me. After all, my parents ultimately went on the vacation because I begged and begged to see the ocean. I had never seen it before, I heard it was a magnificent sight.

She didn’t have to tell me that she blamed me, the subtle glares and lack of interest were enough to come to that conclusion. But I don’t blame her, it was my fault after all.

“Oh, I see you’re cleaning, what for?” She asked as she put her keys down on the kitchen counter.

“Nothing special, just felt like cleaning.” I replied with a simple lie that rolled off of my tongue like I’d rehearsed it many times before.

She hummed in response, fixed her orange bouncy hair, and took out her phone to type something. I took this moment to pull out my own phone, not sure what I was checking for, I just used it as a way to lessen the tension. My eyes lit up in surprise when I saw Hinata had messaged me. I quickly opened it.

 _“Hey Komaeda, just wanted to make sure the number went through”_ , Hinata texted.

I quickly replied, _“Hey, yup it went through just fine :)”_

I cringed and ran a hand down my face at the happy face I sent, how embarrassing. I stopped my self-loathing when I saw a text bubble pop up.

_“Good, so what time should I come over tomorrow?”_

I paused and looked up at my Aunt who was now sitting on the couch. “How long are you going to be here?” I asked, not really meaning to sound rude, but one can’t really help it.

She sighed and replied, “I’m going to leave tomorrow at around, like five o’clock, why?

“No reason.”

I looked back down at my phone and began to type. _“I think a little later in the day like 6 would be good.”_

I immediately got a response.

_“Cool see you then.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

The day soon ended and I was laying in my overly-large bed. I tried to sleep for hours, but sleep wouldn’t give me the grace of it’s presence.

I grabbed my phone, headphones and turned on some music. However, it was the type of music with no lyrics. Sometimes the songs with no words have the most meaning as you give it your own.

The moonlight glowed behind my curtains. The cold, crispy autumn wind blew my black curtains and made it seem as if they let out a whisper. A soft, soft whisper that made my eyes feel heavy with every chilly breeze.

I soon fell asleep with my arms wrapped around my false comfort, piano flowing into my ears, and my thoughts on the boy who seemed to occupy my dreams every night.

 

 

 

My eyes opened to the gleaming morning light that streamed through my curtain like a glass of water with cracks in the cup. I untangled my headphones that somehow managed to wrap and tangle themselves around my neck. I got ready for the morning and made my way downstairs. My Aunt was still sleeping while I made myself some waffles. Right after I finished preparing the food, I went back upstairs to enter the music room.

As I was eating, I decided to set up the room to have it ready for later. I took out the level one piano book from inside of the bench and placed it on top of the piano. I sat down on the bench and ate my waffle while looking at the book. My thoughts on Hinata and what I should do when he gets here.

_Hopefully my Aunt leaves before he comes. It would be a disaster is she didn't._

I hadn’t had company over in such a long time, the last time people, besides my Aunt, came over to visit was back when my parents would host parties. The guests would always fawn over me and touch my hair. It caused me such discomfort I would lock myself in my room until they left, I was never one for social gatherings. Too much noise.

I opened the piano and ran my hands over the keys, feeling the smooth texture of the pricey piano that had been passed down in my family for generations. My entire family was full of rather snobby people, they always purchased the most expensive things possible.

Playing the piano had always been my escape. Whenever I was feeling upset or angry I would run upstairs to this room and play my heart out. The piano seemed as if it spoke. Each key I’d play held a different emotion causing them all to swirl inside of me and release at once.

 _I hope today goes well,_ I thought with apprehension.

I checked my phone to see how long I had until Hinata came over. It’s twelve o’clock, so I have six hours until he arrives. Deciding what I wanted to do within that time, I stood up to leave the room. Before I exited, I took one last glance at the piano, the room was prepared and clean. Consciously I knew the room was ready, yet my anxiety always made me check again.

I went to my room to complete my homework assigned for the weekend. Why teachers would give homework over the weekend is beyond me.

By the time I finished my work it was around five o’clock. I always took so long with it, I didn’t mind taking my time as long as it looked nice and was done properly. I had nothing better to do anyways.

I closed my book and went downstairs to check on my Aunt. She was in the kitchen preparing something, I nervously checked the time before hopping down from the stairs. She heard me coming and turned around to greet me.

“Oh, I haven’t seen you all day, where have you been?”

“Just upstairs.”

She made a sound of acknowledgment before turning back around. I nervously ran a hand through my hair as I checked the time again.

“So, are you going to leave soon?” I said, trying not to sound rude. But, she seemed to take it that way.

She paused in her cooking before turning around to look at me dead in the eye. Her eyes were my least favorite. Out of all of the eyes I had to deal with every day. Her eyes frightened me the most. Without even moving it seemed as if she’d removed my vocal cords with her long, fake black nails. I tried to say something to lessen the tension, but no noise would come out. Only the faintest sound of a whimper that I know she heard squeaked out.

“I’ll leave when I want to.” Just those words made me squeeze my shaking hands so hard that I felt the skin pop open. Blood seeping out so vibrantly like it was oozing out of a newly painted white wall.

I quickly turned around and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. She knew, she knew what she did. I’m sure she snickered to herself when she saw my distress.

_Why, why must she loathe me so much? Now Hinata will find out, he’ll find out that my parents are dead and that my Aunt hates me. I don’t want this! I want to be normal. I want him to stay by my side, he’ll surely leave me! Just like everyone else!_

I was shaking with panic. My body trembled and I gasped and gasped and gasped in an attempt to fill my lungs with much needed air. My body continuously shook like a leaf in the autumn wind that was about to fall off a branch, but wasn’t quite there yet. I was going to fall. One day I was going to fall.

I slowly sank down the wall and brought my knees into my chest.

I don’t know how long it took, but my breathing finally began to settle out and in the midst of the silence I heard my front door slam.

_She left, thank whatever god is up there, she left._

I felt as if I could shed tears at this, but no tears came. My eyes were as dry as my throat.

I shakily stood up and checked the time, 5:45, the clock read.

_I still have time!_

As I tossed my phone on my bed, I quickly went to my dresser to get ready. After dressing in a simple outfit of jeans and a jacket, I washed my face to make it seem as if I wasn’t hyperventilating just a few moments ago.

I stopped to gazed at myself in the mirror. I took notice of the bags resting under my eyes like blankets that begged me to get more sleep. I saw the disgusting paleness of my face, oh how much I desired to get a tan. But that was proved impossible quite some time ago.

In the midst of my staring I heard the doorbell ring. A sweep of pain shot through my chest and I took a deep breathe.

_Don't fuck this up._

I smacked my face with my hands at a newfound determination and made my way downstairs to open the door.

When I opened it, I was practically blinded by his excitement.

“Komaeda!” He shouted, “Ah, I’ve been so antsy all day, I’m sorry for showing up a bit early.” I checked the time, he was only about two minutes early.

“N-No, it’s okay, come on in.” I stepped out of the way and he walked in cautiously. His eyes were practically ogling at the interior of my house.

“I had no idea your house was so nice.” I smiled at the look on his face.

“It’s nothing special, just a house.”

He smiled at me and I smiled back, and it was a genuine smile. When I was with Hinata, all of my problems and sadness seemed to melt away as if they were an ice cube laying in the scalding sun.

And he was the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I'd love to know what you thought <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delayed update. My life has been so hectic lately and I hope you can forgive me. I made this chapter longer than the others and I worked very hard on it. I hope you all enjoy :)

After what felt like an eternity of Hinata pointing at random objects and exclaiming how expensive they looked with a fiery look in his eyes, we made our way up to the music room.

I led the way as Hinata trailed behind me, eyes seeming to observe every little detail that surrounded him. I felt my stomach drop at the prospect of him finding something wrong with my house. I was absolutely petrified and continuously glanced back at him, occasionally our eyes would meet and I would snap mine away with embarrassment as he flashed me a smile.

_God, how dreadfully awkward I am._

We made it to the room and I opened the door for him in which he smiled and walked in. I bit my lip nervously while I closed the door behind me. Anxiety burned in my body as if the blood in my veins was replaced with kerosene and someone lit a match.

I cleared my throat and briskly walked over to him.

Hinata ran his fingers along the smooth, ebony, grand piano with a longing sensation that radiated from his body. I knew just by looking at him how much he truly desired to learn. He gazed at it like his desire had been pounded into him with a hammer each and every day.

_I wonder why that is._

“So, why do you want to learn how to play so bad?” I questioned on complete impulse.

He paused and focused his attention on me, a slight tinge of sadness glinted in his chestnut eyes. He took a few moments to speak and he shifted his body around awkwardly, like he was trying to find an appropriate answer.

“I’m not really much of a talented person,” a small smile formed on his lips, “actually I really have no talent at all.”

I didn’t say anything. I simply waited to hear him speak again, but nothing was said.

We both continued to sit in the still silence.

The slight dust reflected against the sunlight that beamed through the window, floating as if they were all an individual wish that a child once blew from a dandelion. Have you ever tried to grab those small, elusive pieces of dandelion? No matter how many times you tried to grab it, it would slip through the cracks of your desperately clasping hands. It was almost as if it was inevitable that no matter how much you tried you would never obtain it. You would eventually realize how frivolous and irrelevant it was and move on.

Hinata looked like he had tried it to the point of not trying any longer. He looked tired.

He cleared his throat and turned around to walk towards the seat.

A sudden burn of inspiration burned in my chest and I held my head high, ready to speak.

“W-Well, we should-"

“I think you’re very talented.” I said, interrupting him. Hinata stopped and turned back around to gaze at me, eyes wide with surprise.

I continued, “You’re especially talented when it comes to making people smile. You make me smile quite often.” I paused to lock my eyes with his, utterly unaware of where this sudden confidence came from. “Though, you’re not too hot at climbing fences.” I finished with a teasing laugh.

He continued to stare at me.

In his eyes he didn’t look like the smooth and carefree Hinata at school whom every one adored. He looked as though that was the first time he’d heard those words.

I suddenly realized that I was still looking at him and quickly snapped my eyes to the floor. My face heated up with the prolonged silence.

_God what an idiot I am, I went too far._

I glanced back up and saw Hinata put his hand over his heart and smile the most genuine smile I had ever seen from him. His eyes sparkled with such wonder and beauty that even the sunlight that reflected in them was dull in comparison.

“Komaeda, thank you, those words truly mean a lot. I’m so happy to make you smile.”

I felt my face heat up even more and I grabbed the hem of my shirt in response to his thank you. I didn’t hear those words very often, if not at all.

“N-No need to thank me.”

He suddenly stepped towards me and reached his arms out for what must have been a hug. My eyes went hazy and what I saw was not Hinata, I saw him again. That deceitful boy who seemed to look at me like I had a countdown plastered to my fore head that said, “How much to make him break?” And with each hug it counted down and down and down until at last, at zero, I was broken. Broken to the point of no repair. I would forgive him after each hug, they felt so warm, and so much warmth that it burned with a simple touch. His lying, lying hugs.

I quickly stepped back and put my hands out in front of me, like I was trying to shield myself from an oncoming attack. My hands were shaking along with my labored breath and the world was growing hazy. Hinata’s eyes opened wide and he jolted to a stop. Time seemed to stop while we both sat in the aftermath of my foolishness. The previous light atmosphere was suddenly switched all because of my sheer stupidity. I wanted to run and slam myself in my room but my feet wouldn’t budge.

I was finally able to squeak something out, “H-Hinata, I-I’m so sorry, I just-"

“No, no need to apologize I shouldn’t have suddenly gone at you like that.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m so stupid, so-so-so stupid.” I replied while I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped that I could wake up from this utter embarrassment of a nightmare.

Hinata’s gaze sharpened, yet was still able to obtain its soft glow. “You’re not stupid at all, don’t say that about yourself.” I brought my hands down and placed my arm in front of my chest to grip my other arm. Hinata’s eyes saddened at my pitiful posture. My eyes snapped towards the ground at the look he gave me.

Oh how I despised that look! I’d rather have had a hate filled glare than a look of pity. I felt rage seep into my clouded mind.

_I don’t deserve such pity! Hate me, resent me, but don’t pity me! Please I don’t want it._

I was about to scream but I was cut off when his voice protruded the rage within me. Almost like he was an unexpected shower of rain that poured down onto a burning city. “Welp, we should get started now. I’ve gotta be home by eight or my brother will get mad at me.” He beamed loudly with a bright smile, completely changing the subject. I stood in the same position and watched him simply smile at me, waiting for me to move towards him. Suddenly, all of the anger in my body flew out and my shoulders dropped from their tense position. How could he relax me so?

“O-Okay.” He sat down on the piano bench and tapped the empty space next to him twice to ask me to sit with him. I lightly snorted at the irony of him offering me to sit down, I mean it was my house.

I walked over and cautiously sat down, pointedly making sure I was not touching him. “S-So, you can first begin by learning where each key is located. Do you know how to read music?” He leaned forward to look at the keys before chirping happily, “yup, I at least know how to do that.” I looked over at him and smiled.

He looked so eager and excited, I was looking forward to finally being useful for someone. To make someone smile like that is truly an honor. I was still feeling hazy from what had happened but I was hoping it would calm down. Piano always did relax me.

“So, on the piano there will always be a pattern. The C key is here, then comes the D key, then E, F, G, A, and B.” I told him while touching the keys to each one I listed. “S-So, this one is C?’ Hinata said while reaching to the wrong one. I grabbed his hand and directed it towards the correct one next to it. The physical contact was completely over shadowed for a moment with my desire to teach him. With sudden realization, I released his hand and snapped it back towards my lap. He smiled at me, ignoring my actions and made a sound of realization before speaking. “Okay, then here’s D, E, F, G, A, and B?” I looked at him in surprise, not expecting him to remember the pattern so quickly. “Yeah, that was perfect.” I responded in awe. He let out a laugh, “Well, if there’s one thing I have going for me it’s my memory.” My once again tense shoulders dropped and I allowed myself to laugh along with him.

The lesson continued and Hinata was able to play a few of the first songs. I looked out the window and saw that the sun had already gone down and rain was lightly pattering against the window. I cleared my throat and Hinata stopped his playing. “Well it seems to have gotten rather late and we don’t want your brother getting angry with you.” Hinata nodded and stood up from the bench along with me. I closed the piano and put away the music book. Hinata smiled at me as we both walked out of the room.

While we walked down the hallway I could feel Hinata’s eyes burning into my back as if trying to read me. I increased my pace to get out of the crammed hallway when just Hinata’s eyes sparked a feeling that so many other eyes were gazing at me so feverously I felt I had been completely exposed on the spot. Once we reached the end of the hallway I let out a puff of air I had been unintentionally holding.

I stood by silently while Hinata grabbed his stuff and made his way to the door. I had already calculated a plan to say bye to him once I opened the door for him, but with my luck right as I opened the door a strike of lighting hit nearby and shook the whole house causing the lights to flicker for a moment.

In shock, I slammed the door shut and jumped back. Hinata’s face turned pale along with mine as we both stared at each other, Hinata was the first to speak.

“U-Um.”

However, that seemed to be all he could manage. “U-Uh, we don’t seem to really have an option so would you like to sleep here?” I said with a wavering voice. I was reluctant to offer him to sleep here, but I really had no choice. Hinata worriedly looked around my house and then took out his phone. “Y-Yeah, thank you, I’d really appreciate that.” He stuttered out while he typed something on his phone. He was probably telling his brother or something.

“But, would your parents be okay with it?” Hinata asked and looked up at me, completely oblivious the fact that those words felt like a punch to the gut. A cold, dead feeling loomed over me as I struggled to utter out a response. I felt as though there was a spotlight shining on me stripping me down of my protective layers and exposing me for the lie I was about to spit out to the boy who smiles like an angel and lights up my life like a sun that peers through the clouds after a storm.

I shook off my feelings and flashed him a smile, “Yeah, they wouldn’t mind they’re on a long business trip, so they won’t be home for quite some time.” He made a sound of acknowledgment as he put his phone back into his pocket. We both sat and listened to the rain for a few moments and Hinata cleared his throat while shifting around awkwardly. I found his movements rather endearing.

“So uh, where should I sleep?” He inquired with his eyebrows down and a crinkle in the middle of his brow.

I stopped to rapidly think of a solution.

_Maybe he could have my bed and I should sleep on the couch? No, no, he wouldn’t want to sleep in my bed that would probably gross him out. I have no other beds, they were all shipped out of the guest bedrooms to be sold, and my parent’s room is off limits. Maybe I should have him sleep on the couch and me in my bed? No! He’d surely be frustrated with me if I suggested that, he’d probably hurt his back too. Perhaps-_

“Um hello, earth to Komaeda, are in there?” Hinata asked, breaking my thoughts with a hand waving in my face. “I’m fine with just a couch or something. I mean, I’d be willing to sleep on the ground I really don’t mind.” He stated with an indifferent look on his face.

Dread shot through my body. _He’s lying to make you feel better._

My eyes widened with panic at the intrusive thought and I instantly protested, “No, you shouldn’t sleep on the couch, you’d hurt your back. You can have my bed I’ll change the sheets and even get an entirely new pillow for you so you’re not _too_ grossed out.” I finished, emphasizing the “too” as I knew he’d still feel quite disgusted.

“No, I can’t take your bed,” He paused and his face lit up with an idea, “how about we share your bed?” he conclude with a smile that seemed almost taunting-like. I took a few moments to process his suggestion and my face suddenly grew hot and I was a stuttering mess. “N-No, there’s absolutely no way we can share a bed, I mean why would you want that anyways? You would surely come to regret it.” I said with agitation at his insane idea. I stopped my rambling when he burst out laughing, “I know, I know, I just wanted to see your reaction.” He laughed out with an occasional gasp for air.

I was about to respond when a burst of lighting and a boom of thunder shut us both up. Hinata tensed alongside me when the house shook under the impact and the lights flickered off. We both looked at each other in distress until the lights gradually flickered back on. “W-Well, um, we should m-most likely go to bed so this storm can pass.” I stopped speaking to clench my fists to halt my shaking.

I’ve never liked lighting. Not even playing the piano could sooth my panic when a storm began. My parents used to let me sleep in their bed throughout the harsh storms and they would hug me until it passed. After they died, when the first storm came, I sat against their bedroom door, wanting to go in but not being able to gain the courage to open the door. Back then a small part of me hoped that they were on the other side of the door, sleeping peacefully and ignoring the petrifying storm that had me on my quaking knees. If I had opened it, I would surely break down when I saw nothing but cobwebs and a vacant bed.

After some time passed I had almost forgotten their room existed until a moment came up that required me to think of it.

Hinata looked down at my hands and back up at me with concern. ”Are you okay?” I nodded my head and smiled a smile that completely betrayed the true emotion I was exerting. I felt so exposed. Why was it that with Hinata, his eyes seemed to perceive me as I truly was and break past the barrier I held up? It was as frustrating as it was refreshing. “Y-Yes, I’m just tired.” Hinata shook his head and approached me, but hesitated enough to make sure I noticed him coming. He slowly put his hand on my shoulder and I simply watched him as he did it, more curious of what was to happen than I was frightened.

“Hey, it’ll be okay, we’re safe in the house it really can’t hurt us in here, trust me okay?” My shaking stopped for a moment as I processed his words.

_Is… is he comforting me?_

As if he read my mind Hinata asked me, “Can I hug you?” I gazed at him with lips parted and eyes widened in shock. He simply stood there, patiently waiting with his hand softly touching my shoulder and causing it to burn under his touch. I slowly nodded.

Hinata smiled and wrapped his arms around me. The feeling of warmth wrapped around my body like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. He tucked his hand behind my head and pulled it into his shoulder, my neck having to bend with my slightly taller stature. My thoughts went completely blank besides the one thought that ran through my head as if it was stuck in the back of my mind and just now broke free.

_How long had it been since I’ve gotten a hug?_

Before I knew it, I felt hot tears stinging in the corners of my eyes. The tears threatened to spill down my face, but I willed them away. The hug seems to last for hours and a small part of me never wanted it to end. This embrace reminded me of what was not my mothers, it was something entirely new.

Hinata let go of me and looked up into my eyes without taking a step back. Our faces were so close that I could feel his breath against my skin. I wanted to look away, but I was enthralled with his eyes that seemed to hold as many emotions as there were stars in the sky. Each emotion meant something else and all of them beautifully combined to form the emotion that was Hinata.

Once again, loud thunder interrupted the both of us and we quickly stepped away from each other. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of the boy in front of me to care for the chaos of the storm. Hinata straightened out the folds in his shirt and I chewed on my lip, both of us looking in other directions.

Hinata stopped fiddling with his shirt and turned towards me with a stern look on his face. “You and I are at least sleeping in the same room.” He paused to see if I was going to object before continuing. “I refuse to let you sleep alone during this storm.” I tried to protest again but lost my words when I saw Hinata’s stare that basically finalized his statement. Instead I let out a sigh of defeat and saw Hinata smile with triumph. “Glad you see it may way.” He said jokingly and I lightly laughed in response. “Although, I feel kinda weird bossing you around in your own house.” I laughed once again and began walking to the cupboards for extra blankets and sheets. I still needed to change them as that was the least I could do.

I paused when a thought entered my mind, “Do you need to use the shower?”

“Uh yeah that would be nice.”

“It’s down the hall in the second door on the left.”

I stopped giving directions when I realized he would need clothes. I was swallowed the lump in my throat and fought through my embarrassment. “Do you need to borrow pajamas?”

He smiled, “Yeah that would be great.”

He was able to simply accept something so naturally while I had struggled to even offer him some. I smiled and went up to my room to get some but stopped when I saw my stuffed animals on my bed. I placed them under my bed so he wouldn’t see them and went back downstairs with the pajamas in my possession.

“Here you go, if you don’t like these I can get you new ones.” He didn’t even bother looking at them before responding. “Nope, these are okay, thanks.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hinata was soon in the shower and I began to change the bed. I was so nervous, although we weren’t sleeping in the same bed I was still incredibly uneasy at the prospect of sleeping in the same room as him. I could hardly fathom it. I put down the sleeping bag on the other side of the bed- opposite from the window- and took my pillow off my bed and placed it there.

_I at least have to convince him to sleep on the bed, if anyone should hurt their back it should be me._

Despite my conviction, I was feeling rather disappointed at how cold my ground gets in the winter.

_I’m probably going to get sick from this but it’s necessary._

A sudden intrusive thought zapped in my mind

_You should just sleep on the bed with Hinata._

I scrunched my face up in anger. _There’s absolutely zero chance Hinata would want a parasite like me in the bed with him._

Just as I finished my thought, Hinata walked into the room in my pajamas. His hair was still rather wet; however, the pointy piece of hair on top of his head stuck up nonetheless. From the coldness of the room I could practically see the steam swirling from his body.

“Um, I have the bed set up with everything changed out for clean stuff.”

“Okay thanks- wait am I sleeping on the bed?” He questioned with a look of concern.

I looked at the sleeping bag I placed on the floor and nodded. “Yeah, I don’t want you hurting your back.” Hinata scowled at me but eventually let out a sigh knowing that I wouldn’t back down.

Behind the curtain was flashing lights with a follow of loud booms that shook me down to my core. We both got into our respective beds and I cut off the light. The only thing providing us any sort of ability to see was the beams of light behind the curtain that caused me to flinch with each one.

Lighting was so powerful. Every time it would strike I could feel the rumbling deep within my chest. I didn’t like that feeling. The idea of something so powerful existing that we humans have absolutely no power to control is frightening. We try and act like we have everything under control but everyone simply ignores the vast and empty area of space that could easily suck us in and separate our atoms faster than we can breathe in a gasp of oxygen. Well, this is just me listening to my science teacher, it’s not like we really know. We just act like we know. If we ever did get sucked into a black hole in space, we could very well just fall in and discover something entirely new, a completely new universe.

I try and think of it as the latter.

A crack of thunder shook the house and I covered my ears with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. I felt tears begin to prickle behind my eyelids.

_God how pathetic, I should at least be able to control my tears._

It seems without me even realizing I was, I let out a soft whimper whenever I heard the rumble of the thunder; soon Hinata was facing me and calling out my name. I could hardly hear his voice over the thunder and my hands over my ears. The tears were now freely streaming and I was shaking along with the house. “Komaeda, are you crying?” I quickly wiped my tears and nose and turned my body over to face him. “No, I’m fine, just cold.” I answered but with a slight crack in my voice. “You should come up here then, I really don’t want you to be cold.” He said with such sincerity that my will faltered. I hesitated but with my exhaustion overpowering my mind, I gave him a delayed nod that I’m sure he couldn’t see.

I stood up from the bed and slid under the covers, making sure I stayed on the edge of the bed. Hinata was scooting over to the other side and we both laid in the darkness. My throat felt tight as I clenched my teeth to hold back my still demanding tears.

As if sensing my distress, he spoke. “Hey, it’ll be okay, I believe the storm is already passing by- see, at the next flash lets count how many seconds it takes for the thunder to come.” I reluctantly nodded my head and waited with him for the next flash of light. In a few moments the room lit up and Hinata began counting out loud.

“One, two, three-“ I joined him “-four, five.” Then a deep grumble of thunder bellowed through the sky and cascaded down upon the house. It was dark but I could see a faint trace of him flashing me a smile.

“See! That means its five miles away, it was closer earlier so it’s going away.” For reasons unknown to me, I felt heat rising up to my cheeks and a burning feeling resting in my chest. I felt so happy to have him beside me. Soon enough I gave him a grin back feeling as though all of my fears were blowing away along with the storm.

“My dad and I used to count how many miles away the storm was when I was little. I used to be scared but counting always made it kind of fun for me.” He paused and I saw him shift his body to better face me. “But now-“ He was interrupted when another flash of light lit up the room and I saw his eyes withholding so many emotions I felt as though they all entered me when I lightly gasped.

“One, two, three, four, five, six” We stopped counting together when the thunder roared in the air. He smiled at me once again. We both sat in silence, but with each crack of lighting we would count together. And now in spite of the storm my eyes were drifting shut and I laid completely still even as the light flashed over my eyelids and the thunder clapped in my ears.

Hinata’s voice is what caused me to open my eyes. “Komaeda.” I looked over at him and saw him closer than he had been before. Our faces were only about a foot apart and his eyes locked with mine. “If you want, with every single storm that passes I can be by your side. And if somehow it’s impossible for me to be there, I want you to call me. We can count the miles together.”

A thousand thoughts raced through my head telling me to protest and that I wasn’t good enough for his time, but I ignored them.

“Thank you, Hinata.” I finished with a wonky grin and my eyes that burned with the realization that I wouldn’t have to sit through anymore storms alone.

At that moment, I don’t think I minded if more storms were to roll over my house.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it <3


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